"That church has so many members! The pastor is doing well!"
"We have 1000 people who came up the altar and prayed a prayer! Welcome to the church!"
"People, I am glad to announce the victory we have through Jesus Christ our Lord! We have 20M members and don't forget the 400M people who subscribe our channel/website all over the world!
This is God's work!"
"We're growing! We welcome in 4000 new church members every week!"
Christians nowadays define a successful church with numbers.
A big, growing church must be pleasing to the Lord, eh?
Well, if that's the case, here's our guide on how to GAIN as many church members as possible!
And since we want things in an instant, this guide is to help us gain as many church members in 10 days!
YES! only 10 days!
1st day. Change the name of your "CHURCH" into something more inviting.
Club, committee, association, fellowship, organization, brotherhood, sisterhood.. you name it! :)
Let's take out the "RELIGION", I mean, who wants religion, right? Let's make the name of our "group" something that EVERYONE can relate to and feel comfortable in.
2nd day. Bring in the ROCK into the ROLL!
Music. Ahhhh. Who doesn't like music!
Let's incorporate as many genre to suit everyone's taste!
Rock fanatic? We have rock here!
Jazz lover? We can sing to that, honey!
Pop? Well, I'll give you the beat!
We can have it here!
3rd day. Never mention anything about SIN, HELL and JUDGMENT.
Because that's creepy. You are going to make them cry!
I mean, God loves them anyway! God will love them NO MATTER HOW THEY LIVE THEIR LIFE! It's okay!
4th day. Let them wear anything.. or almost nothing if they wish.
Come on! It's the 21st century! We have fabulous fashion trends now!
Don't be a killl joy! Let them wear anything they want. Short shorts? Go!
Spaghetti Tops? Why not! Backless? That would look mighty fine on you!
God will love you no matter how you dress!
5th day. Make your sermon short. Really short.
People's attention span is limited! Make your sermon at most 20 mins and lengthen the worship time.
People are intrested in the music rather than what you have to say. Let them enjoy the service!
More music!
6th day. Let them bring any version of bibles.
In fact they are not required to bring a bible at all! Reading the bible is boring!
So, why require them? Plus, any version will do, if they WANT to bring one.
They can choose a version that suits their needs. Can't understand a KJV? buy an ESV!
ESV can't suit you? Well, maybe a children's illustrative bible? You get to pick!
7th day. Always remind them that God will bless them with money, health, favor all the time!
When you acccept Christ, He will take away all the problems of your life.
Well, we need to tithe of course! We will be robbing Him if we don't! But He will increase that tithe into something larger just for you!
Sick? He will heal you! Poor? He will bring you abundant money. New job. New car! all you have to do is pray.
8th day. Twist the scriptures. Mellow it down.
You can break it to them gently you know.
Instead of saying that there will be a Great tribulation for the unsaved, tell them, there will be a seminar class for those who didn't accept Jesus as their saviour. That's a lot better to hear right?
9th day. Create more "FUN" ministries!
Minimize the activities for the Bible Study Day and instead incorporate more SPORTS, COOKING, BAKING, FISHING, etc. into the Sunday Classes! The kids will love it!
Adults? How about DISCO or CLUB Day? Alcohol is nice! And they will enjoy dancing to the beat of the drum!
10th day. Lastly, and this is important, NEVER say that Jesus is the only way to heaven. Never!
Don't tell them that people who doesn't know Jesus as their Saviour will go to hell.
Just tell them we are all worshipping ONE God, may they be a muslim, catholic, hindu, buddhist, etc.
We have our right to our own beliefs and Jesus is just A way. Not THE way!
Do all these and your numbers will go up like a rocket!
People will be going to your church and they will stay!
They will think that this is the best church and they may even recruit family members, co-workers and friends!
What are you waiting for! Do these 10 day church planting ideas now!
P.S.
The moment you GAIN all those members, is the moment you LOSE God.
James 4
4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.
5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy?
6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
